Praying for Answers

The drama continues this week with Brooke having an 'episode' and wouldn't go into Primary. I had thought maybe it was just a coincedence with the ABC class. I felt it coming because we realized during Sacrament that we had forgotten her scriptures and her song book. She was pretty upset, but I thought she would be fine once she was in class. She started crying and someone suggested we go check one out from the library. Our great neighbor works in the library, so I thought this would calm her down. No such luck. We checked her one out anyway, but then Brooke became hysterical outside in the hallway. I was hoping that maybe her teacher would just come grab her and drag her in, but I think they had a substitute. I was beginning to worry about her bothering the other kids in Primary because some of them could see her and hear her. So I told Derek to just take her home. What else could I do? I wasn't about to go and sit with her through Primary. I thought we were over those days. And if I gave in, would I ever go to my own class again. And I really feel like I need to be in Gospel Essentials class to support Derek. (Even though by taking Brooke home, that meant that he missed the class and I went by myself. Not much support there, right?) I couldn't keep her in the hallway because she would get loud and she was really making quite the scene. Derek first thought that if I went on to class that he would be able to get her to calm down and go into class. She had been begging for me, so he thought that me going away would help. It was really hard to have her begging for me because she never does. NEVER! Brooke is 100% a Daddy's girl. Seriously, 100%. She always asks for Daddy. Derek finally had to just take her home and he made her lay down in bed and listen to her Primary songs CD.

The following days I have tried to give Brooke extra, extra attention. Since the 'hair cutting' episode, I have already been paying her more attention. We read books for over an hour straight both Monday and Tuesday morning. Yeah, I know that's a long time to read, but she kept asking for more books. Could I really say no? Well, then Tuesday, the bus shows up to take her to preschool and she starts walking out and all of a sudden, she hides behind me and starts crying. She always runs right onto the bus and she LOVES going to school. What is going on???? The bus assistant, Mickey, and I had to almost force her onto the bus. Mickey gets her belted in (her school bus has car seats - not sure how they are strapped on to the seat, but hey, it makes me feel like she's safer, right?) and Brooke starts screaming. Literally screaming, "MOMMY". She was screaming so hard I thought she was going to pass out from not taking a breath. I am sure the neighbors could hear her scream.

I was going to run to Sam's Club to buy some toilet paper (we were down to the last roll!!) and dishwasher detergent (I had just started the washer with the last drops of the previous bottle). I HAD to go. I was torn over what to do. I was really worried that I would be getting a phone call from her teacher asking me to come pick her up. I decided to hurry as fast as I could and hopefully get everything I needed before getting called. That way I could say I was already on my way back, so I wouldn't be that long.

Well, the phone call never came. When the bus came to drop her off, she jumped off the steps into my arms, wrapped her little arms around my neck and said, "I love you, Mommy." Brooke was all smiles and basically her happy go lucky self. The bus driver and Mickey both said that she has stopped crying only a few blocks away.

But then, it happened again on Wednesday. And then again at ABC class on Thursday (today). And again getting on the bus for school. During her ABC class today, the teacher allowed me to come in to class with Brooke. I had DaKoda with me, so you can imagine how that went. The class is supposed to teach kids to be away from their parents, so I felt like a cheater, a traitor, an outcast when her little classmates turned to see me and DaKoda staying in the class. Brooke turned around every 2 minutes to make sure I was still back there and she even had to come sit by me a few times. I was trying to keep cool and keep DaKoda calm and holding still so that she wasn't disrupting the class. DaKoda kept wanting to get up and run around, open the cabinet with the sound system controls in it, or be loud. No joke, she was wearing me out. Brooke has been trying my emotional patience, while DaKoda trys my physical patience. This week alone I have broken out in more zits than I have ever had at one time in my life! Add two cold sores into that mix, and I look like a tired mess.

Yesterday (Wednesday) after her 'episode' getting on the bus, I called my Mom for some more advice. She was all out of ideas as well. She couldn't talk much since she was at a get together, so we only talked for a few minutes. After we got off the phone, I recalled something I had watched on Good Things Utah that morning. They had a therapist on talking more about older kids, and teenagers, but she had said some things that just seemed so much like what we are going through with Brooke. 'Acting out of character', 'being withdrawn', etc. She recommended seeing your pediatrician first, but possibly having your child in some therapy.

Derek seems to think that it's speration anxiety. I'm not sure it is, with having the 'hair cutting episode' and 'food hiding episode'. So I decided yesterday to call the nurse at the pediatrician's office and see if she had any ideas or suggestions. I told her a little about Brooke's screaming and she said that a lot of 5-6 year olds go through seperation anxiety. I told her about Eliza (Brooke's friend) leaving Brooke's class at school, and the hair cutting. She said that I could always come in to see the doctor, but she didn't think it was that 'severe'. So I asked, "When is it severe? What signs or symptoms do I need to be watching for?" The nurse told me, "If she starts not eating, or withdrawing from the family..." I interupted her to tell her about Brooke hiding her food. The nurse then says, "Ummm, yeah. I think you do probably need to bring her in then. Do you want to make an appointment?"

Tomorrow morning we are off to hopefully find some answers. I am going to put my faith in her doctor and pray that he has the knowledge to figure out what's going on with Brooke. I want my sweet little princess back. I am almost terrified to go thinking maybe it's so bad that I don't want to know. Maybe I will regret knowing. But I am going to have faith that knowing and finding out now is going to be the best thing for the entire family. Now I ask that all of you (all like 6 of you that read my blog!) will join us in 'Praying for Answers.' Love you all!