Going crazy trying to THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS!

I am so frustrated with Brooke right now. Well lately really. She has been acting out a lot and Brooke usually NEVER acts out. She is usually laid back and carefree. She just goes with the flow and doesn't complain too much. I think I may know why she has been acting out, but I am not for sure. Her best friend in preschool left the last day of school before Christmas. Brooke got off the bus that day almost in tears saying that she was going to miss Eliza. I had no idea what she was talking about. She said something about Eliza going to another school. I had to wait all of the Christmas break to finally ask the bus driver and bus aid. They confirmed that Eliza was starting at the school for the deaf and blind. Yep, Eliza is hearing impaired. I don't know the extend of her impairment. I didn't know that Eliza had meant so much to Brooke. She talked a lot about her, but she would go in spurts and talk about a few boys in the class as well. When I talked to her teacher at Parent Teacher Conferences (a few weeks ago), she said that Brooke had been really quiet and reserved for the past week. Brooke has been saying over and over that she misses Eliza. While at the conference, I had asked her teacher if she would mail a letter to Eliza and her parents for us so that she wouldn't break confidentiality by giving us their address. The weekend had been busy, so I hadn't written the letter and sent it with Brooke on Tuesday (her first day of school for the week). Luckily, Brooke came home with a note in her backpack from her teacher saying that she had talked to Eliza's mom and she wanted the girls to continue their friendship as well. That letter has been carried all around the house by Brooke, but we have not made any plans as of yet. Let me explain a little more of Brooke's acting out:

During those parent teacher conferences, her teacher said the only place Brooke could really improve on was her cutting. It was a little sad. So Friday I began to feel a migraine coming on. I think, maybe if I give Brooke a project to work on, she will let me take my medication, and get some rest while DaKoda takes her nap. I decided to give Brooke the weekly ads and have her cut out foods that she likes. Should have kept her busy, right? Plus, it's not like we hadn't let her use scizzors unsupervised before. Usually she would just cut a paper into little itty bitty scraps and then be done and clean it up. When DaKoda woke up from her nap, I was in even more pain that before. So I made the decision to call Derek and ask beg him to come home and take care of the kids for me. He only had about 2 hours left anyway. He's had to come home like 2 other times before, so I really don't ask him to do it all that often. He's on his way home, when I first look at Brooke. I flipped out and said with little voice, 'You cut your hair...........You CUT your hair?????' I immediately started crying. She cut a chunk out of her bangs, then took chops half way around her head. She almost cut off 5 inches! I am still trying to get use to it. I hate it. It is so short, I can't do anything with it. And I was just starting to get good and creative with some fun new hair do's. Maybe that's why she cut it, she hated my playing with it. Derek gets home and she trys to say that DaKoda did it. (She's been blaming everything on DaKoda lately.) I said, 'Nice try. DaKoda was napping.' She finally admitted to it, but she kept smiling and acting like it was funny. We finally settled on a punishment of taking away her Handy Manny toys for a week. When Derek told her that was what we were going to do, and he told her we would make a calendar so that she could mark off each day, do you know what the little stink said?????? She said, 'Thank you, Daddy.' I about blew up. If I had been feeling better, I think I just may have. But if I had been feeling better, we probably wouldn't have been in this position anyway, right? Yeah, I am still blaming myself. I mean how am I supposed to get anything done, like house cleaning, showering, even being sick when I am worried what the kids will do out of sight. I don't know how other mom's do it. I haven't quite figured it out yet. Since the hair cutting experience, Brooke has had a really bad attitude and when I ask her to do something, she has been talking back to me. I just feel so out of control. This is just so out of Brooke's character, I don't know how to react.
Then this last week or so, Brooke has been surprising us and actually trying new foods. We have been telling her she has to try some, and then she comes out and shows us her empty plate, or bowl. We have been praising her and really complimenting her on her eating. Well, last night as I was heading for bed, I saw something on my wall behinf our headboard. I asked Derek what it was, and he looked behind our bed, and I bet you can guess what was down there..... ALL of Brooke's food for the last week. She hasn't been eating for the last week then. We know she eats all of her breakfast, and then some snacks during the day. So all those super good compliments and good feelings despite seeing her with her super short hair had just gone out the window. I seriously couldn't look at her for most of today. I am still that upset. I just feel like I am failing because I don't know what I am supposed to be doing with her. I want so badly for her to get together with Eliza, but wouldn't I be rewarding her bad behavior? But at the same time, I really think that she needs to see Eliza to maybe pull her out of this. What am I supposed to do?
I have been so down in the dumps today. I really don't even want to do anything. I am trying so hard to 'Think happy thoughts', but it's just so hard. I need to find some faith. Faith in myself, faith in Brooke, faith that things will get better.